Archive

Tag Archives: Spock

One often wonders what happens to Starfleet captains after they are honorably discharged.  After years of exploring space, stopping intergalactic war and seducing eons of women what will compare?

Chiropractic services.

Now you may think, “a chiropractor? But this is a man of science!” And you would be offending a lot of people who spent a lot of money to go to chiropractic school.

But what you should ask is why has former Captain Kirk become so unnaturally fascinated with backs?

And then it will suddenly become clear to you: This is a former Starfleet commander, what does he have left to do but look back? Realistically, all he wants to do is go back.  It will drive him mad.  Through necessity, he will become obsessed with the term “back” and wish to know everything about it.

Then, after attending a three-year program  to receive his Bachelor of Chiropractic Science, Kirk won’t let his knowledge go to waste.

He will look around and see so many people with chronic neck and back pain and he’ll forget about his many achievements and planetary discoveries. “What good is charting new space sectors if back-aches still plague every creature who travels through the space-time continuum?” He will say, with a hint of ennui, to Spock over one of their weekly chess games.

So there he is, a humble man, just trying to let the humanoids of all the worlds feel at ease inside their bodies. He relaxes by helping others relax.

He may never truly retire, but, no matter, Kirk was never one for golf anyway.

I’ve just discovered something.  Everyone hyper-cool is in their 80s or about to be.

Yesterday William Shatner (AKA CAPTAIN KIRK) turned 80.  In three days Leonard  Nimoy (AKA MR.SPOCK) will join him.

To do list: start going to conventions.

Sean Connery is in his 80s, both of my Grandmothers (PATERNAL and MATERNAL) are now in their 80s along with Maya Angelou, Hugh Hefner, Cloris Leachman, Betty White… the list goes on.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I wish that I was born in the 1930s so that I could be 80 and cool.  I could maybe look back on my career and smile at my super sweet role on Star Trek pretending to have equal rights on the Enterprise with Spock and Kirk, constantly reminding Bones to forget his southern niceties and treat me like he would any other man, thwarting off Kirk’s fruitless advances, trying to seduce Spock and definitely not being a yoeman.

Le sigh.

Since I can’t actually be 80-years-old, I guess I will settle for acting like I am. If you’ll excuse me gentleman, I’ve got some senior citizen discounts to take advantage of and some old co-workers to wish happy birthday to.

Winning.

I just finished watching the Star Trek episode “This Side of Paradise,” (part of my pie coma recovery plan). Dr. McCoy‘s attitude and Georgia-style southern accent after the “happy spores” sprayed him bemused me greatly.

Dr. McCoy. Sometimes I overlook him because I'm so taken by Kirk and Spock's dialogue, but not today.

I wish I could find a clip of him speaking in his Georgian accent but I think this montage of his most beloved line will do.

The line is now a tradition that has carried on in the more recent versions of the show.

“This Side of Paradise” is also the episode where Spock acts a little more human.  Check the trailer out:

This quarter my classes and social life have been a bit challenging to manage. It is in times like these that I wish Spock was my personal life mentor.

I’m sure sometimes he gets tired of Captain Kirk’s relentless use of seduction to solve every problem and wishes he had a less predictable human to be friends with.

Someone who is constantly changing their mind, outfit and opinion on Carl Sagan‘s inability to pronounce the word “human” correctly. Someone who has irrational fears and is a hypochondriac. Someone who will not perform the words to Rocket Man so seriously. Someone who will listen when he says, “check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Someone more along the lines of me.

Spock and I could achieve so much together.

He could calculate the exact probability of a shark biting me in the Pacific Ocean. Or tell me when I’m being irrational or neglecting my health. He could even access my subconscious mind and figure out what I really want to do in life.

In turn, I would not tell anyone how much he enjoys watching this video:

Oh Spock, if only you were real. All my problems would be solved.

P.S. For all of you who sense the homo-erotic nature of Spock and Kirk. Here is this video presented to me by Mr.Jay Moar: Star Trek + Nine Inch Nails.