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Is it just me or does the media want me to think that getting married is the worst thing ever? (While simultaneously telling us girls that we’re only worth something if we get married?)

Movies where college frat boys encourage each other to have all the sex they can because once they’re married it’s game over. Ads where a disgruntled wife cleans up after her husband’s mess once again.  Sit-coms where married couples trick each other into doing things, or cast knowing evil looks at one another.

What the hell?

I mean, the closest I’ve been to getting married was my high school graduation party where I married my friend Jamie:

Yes. This is a photo of a photo, so shoot me.

But, I really don’t think getting married will be that bad.  In fact, I think it might be awesome.

The way I see it, it’s basically having a sleep over with your best friend with benefits every day for the rest of your life EXCEPT all of your stuff is right there AND TAX BENEFITS (HOLLA).

How can sex decrease when the opportunity to have it increases? Maybe it’s like writers block–too many choices–should we do it in the bedroom, the living room, the shower, the kitchen, the hallway, the hot tub?

I mean, those are some pretty difficult decisions but I think as far as sex is concerned, being married is pretty damn convenient.

The only negative I see is that your parents are going to want you to procreate and have grandchildren for them to play with–as pay back for whatever mayhem and pain you caused as a child.

That is something I’m not down for– constant guilt trips about not being pregnant–NO THANK YOU.

I guess marriage really is something worth waiting for, looking forward to in the distant future.

Sigh, I will never be Jimi Hendrix.

Barkley is cute but he will still cause as much mayhem as possible.

No one understands that you can think dogs are cute and dislike them and not want to own one at the same time.

The school district my high school belonged to fired a student teacher because he explained he was gay.

Poor turtle. His only friend is a discarded plastic bottle.

The turtles are basking beside bottles and trash.

AMERICAN BABY WHY? I am not pregnant. I have no babies.

There was a DIFFERENT baby magazine in my mailbox today. American Baby. WHY?

Jean Luc Picard is a fictional character.

Hogwarts isn’t real.

At least watching Twilight was hilarious and a nice reminder of the Northwest. “I have to show you something,” now climb on my back and I will run you up this mountain because I am ridiculous.

I don’t know how or why but BabyTalk keeps sending me their magazine.

I have never been pregnant.  I have never adopted a baby from a 3rd world country. I don’t really even like babies that much at all.

 

Clearly, I am not their ideal reader.

 

But, I think I know how this all started. One fateful day I was stupid enough to click on a facebook ad.  It was one for free MAC cosmetics and I got suckered into giving them some of my information.

When I realized I had to sell my soul to the devil to get said “free,” make-up I backed out and forgot about the entire ordeal.

NOT EVEN 9 months later, my mom calls to tell me that some very nice people from Babytalk magazine had phoned for me and asked when my due date was.  Apparently they were very distraught when my mother told them that I did not live there and hopefully was not preggers.

So she gave them my school address.

That was a year ago.

My school address has changed and still the Babytalk magazine comes.  At least this time there were some cute babies in costumes:

 

Even though they are basically human larva, they do look pretty cute.

 

 

Okay. Stop looking at babies and get some work done.