Stop confusing the fish

We all know that when you buy a pet fish you don’t really want a pet, you want a new interior design element. These fish tanks have taken that age-old exploitation to a whole new level of cruel. You already took them out of their natural habitat and into an enclosed space but with these tanks you can confuse the shit out of your “pet.”

The Sink Tank: 

These fish are living in water while water rushes down on top of the other side of their tank. Imagine the chinese water torture that a leaky faucet could lead to.

The Labyrinth Tank:

Image from opulentitems.com.

This labyrinth has no entrance, exit or minotaur-fish. It is just a place where the captives constantly think another aquarium is just beyond their tank and just out of their reach.

The Toilet Tank:

What are these goldfish doing in your toilet? Are they gathered there for a funeral? Are you trying to torture them with every flush? Do you like it when they watch you pee? So many unanswered questions.

The Coffee Table Tank:

You know what fish really like? When large ominous predator-like shadows are hovering over them constantly. Sure the daily windex-ing can’t be good for their gills but at least sometimes they get to read the New Yorker.

The Fish Hotel:

Guess what little beta –– you can check in any time you like, but you can never leave.

The Bubble Tank:

The tank where fish constantly fear they are going to tumble to their death. Let me rephrase. The tank where the trapped goldfish is given a glimmer of hope. If only he could move all the gravel to one side, then maybe, just maybe he could fall and find sweet freedom in death.

Some might say fish don’t think. Some might say that fish are already confused. Some might even say that fish deserve the very best confusion humans have to offer. Either way there are a lot of people spending way too much money on their fish tanks.

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1 comment
  1. Paul said:

    Thank you Anna, this is hilarious! I am actually quite disappointed there’s no Minotaur fish, could you imagine?

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