Where Kirk went to retire

One often wonders what happens to Starfleet captains after they are honorably discharged.  After years of exploring space, stopping intergalactic war and seducing eons of women what will compare?

Chiropractic services.

Now you may think, “a chiropractor? But this is a man of science!” And you would be offending a lot of people who spent a lot of money to go to chiropractic school.

But what you should ask is why has former Captain Kirk become so unnaturally fascinated with backs?

And then it will suddenly become clear to you: This is a former Starfleet commander, what does he have left to do but look back? Realistically, all he wants to do is go back.  It will drive him mad.  Through necessity, he will become obsessed with the term “back” and wish to know everything about it.

Then, after attending a three-year program  to receive his Bachelor of Chiropractic Science, Kirk won’t let his knowledge go to waste.

He will look around and see so many people with chronic neck and back pain and he’ll forget about his many achievements and planetary discoveries. “What good is charting new space sectors if back-aches still plague every creature who travels through the space-time continuum?” He will say, with a hint of ennui, to Spock over one of their weekly chess games.

So there he is, a humble man, just trying to let the humanoids of all the worlds feel at ease inside their bodies. He relaxes by helping others relax.

He may never truly retire, but, no matter, Kirk was never one for golf anyway.


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