I would like to welcome you to the vast joy that is my dorm complex’s new nature pool:
Please relax in our natural rain-water oasis any time you see fit. I cannot confirm or deny any claims of radioactivity.
True, it is a bit rustic, but look at that seating. Haven’t you always wanted to sit in the middle of a pool and just let loose? It’s just like one of those fancy amusement parks for adults in Cabo–
–But don’t get too carried away this is a strictly dry, as in alcohol free, clearly not non-wet, campus. (This is a pool mind you.) All those tables will be used for is sipping on orange juice and watching some babes play wet volley ball (much more titillating than the dry volley ball variety, I assure you).
Please, come on down and meet me. I’ll be the one not feeling foolish for wearing leather high heels on the day that the sky decided against heavy flow tampons and created this lovely giant puddle.