The emperor knew he was naked

You all know the story, the emperor is tricked by a tailor to be clothed in invisible cloth. He parades around town practically naked and everyone pretends like it’s chill except for one kid who can see the truth and tells the emperor he’s naked, saving him from total shame.

"Oh yes, what magical fabric, I look lovely."

I have a different theory.

The Emperor knew he was naked. Let’s be real, he’s an emperor, what else does he have to do besides scheme up ways to be naked in public. And here was his perfect opportunity.

Except some silly kid had to spoil everything.

The moral of my interpretation is always seize an opportunity to be naked because you never know when one will come again. (A minor moral would be that kids spoil everything).

And all though I full frontally embrace any sly way people can escape wearing clothes in public (otherwise known as a Naked Opportunity or N.O. ) I feel it is my duty to caution you on when to put some clothes on.

So here are certain things you should not attempt to do naked:

  • Funerals– You don’t want to scar yourself/other people.  Naked times should be saved for happy occasions, weddings, births, birthdays, not for sad events.  If you go naked to your grandfather’s funeral, you’ll think of  your dead grandfather every time you’re naked, don’t do that to yourself.
  • Clubbing– this may seem counter intuitive, but when you go dancing at a club you should definitely wear clothes, perhaps more than normal.  Sure you may want to attract a hot guy/girl but while you’re likely to attract someone appealing, you’ll also attract all the creepers at the bar/club/foam party. So woo them individually with your dancing, not your skin.
  • Cooking– I don’t know about you, but I like to protect my body from harm.  Hot oil, ovens, blenders, knives.  The kitchen is full of danger. I’m all about safety first.

And really those are the only times when it’s absolutely essential to wear clothing: funerals, clubs, cooking.

So remember, say no to the FCC, otherwise be naked, happy and free.

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