A Festivus grievance dedicated to Steve Jobs

Today, on the eve of Festivus’ eve I am going to share with you my largest grievance of 2010.  I direct it towards Steve Jobs, Apple and Mac products in general.

You sold me a(n expensive) computer that crashes if it is not shut down every night, that cannot hold my iTunes library without freaking out, that becomes fatigued easily and is constantly dirty.

Every time I go to the “genius” bar to get things fixed they inform me that nothing is wrong.  They “max out” my systems and say that my computer didn’t crash.  I then take it home and THIS HAPPENS:

Followed by this:

And then eventually that little screen comes up telling you to restart your computer.  And when you boot it back up:

I always send a report.

At first I would simply say what I had been doing (listening to iTunes while typing on word and surfing in the internet).

But then I got angry.  So my grievance comes to you, Steve, in the form of reports I sent in that I am sure were keyword sorted and not read by anyone.

Most of the time I was too upset to be clever and just wrote:

Well done.  Your marketing team should get a raise.

Or simply:


I don’t even care that you insist on wearing terrible jeans and a black turtle neck.  I will overlook the fact that you said okay to the name  i-Pad.

But please, can you get my computer to work or at least send me an external hard drive so I can back up all of my shit before it explodes? (My AppleCare protection is still valid…)

  1. Adeshola Adigun said:

    This was awesome! I like your rendition of “Fuck You.”

    I actually just had another great experience with Apple, their “Geniuses” and my Macbook. But I won’t tell you about it now. I’ll let you bask in your hate for those fucks.

    G-Funk rap, coming soon.

    • Pfft, I guess I need to go to Florida to get some good Geniuses!

      G-funk rap, coming before the new year, let us hope.

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