A few days ago I received a letter in the mail inviting me to complete a survey because I am “part of a small group of parents randomly selected to participate from around the country.”
They want me to answer questions about how I feed my “youngest infant.”
I, the (THANKFULLY) childless, infant free, college student have four options:
- Reply expressing my regrets to not having any infants and tell them to please remove me from any list they have informing them of this.
- Reply with a passionate response about how my baby died and to please stop bothering a grieving mother by assuming it is still alive.
- Fill out the survey as if I had a child but greatly abuse it/ do very strange things to it.
- Do not reply to the survey and hope that they do not send me any more mail.
Morally I know the middle two are wrong. I also fear that the confusion option three will cause might lead child services to my dorm. (A dorm is no place for a child!) But, if I say my baby died, without a proper death or birth certificate, they may assume that I just killed it and put me away for life.
So that’s my dilemma: Mess with the surveyors, try to get rid of them through silence, or politely write back.
Maybe I could politely write back pretending to be a deeply offended person:
- “I am so fat people constantly ask if I am pregnant and now THIS.”
- “I am a woman trapped in a man’s body, thanks for bringing up a sore subject.”
- “Just because I dress my dog as a baby does not mean I would breast feed it.”
This is my moral dilemma. Oh guiding light of the internet, what should I do?