A (baby-sized) moral dilemma

A few days ago I received a letter in the mail inviting me to complete a survey because I am “part of a small group of parents randomly selected to participate from around the country.”


They value my experience as a parent.


They want me to answer questions about how I feed my “youngest infant.”

I, the (THANKFULLY) childless, infant free, college student have four options:

  • Reply expressing my regrets to not having any infants and tell them to please remove me from any list they have informing them of this.
  • Reply with a passionate response about how my baby died and to please stop bothering a grieving mother by assuming it is still alive.
  • Fill out the survey as if I had a child but greatly abuse it/ do very strange things to it.
  • Do not reply to the survey and hope that they do not send me any more mail.

Morally I know the middle two are wrong. I also fear that the confusion option three will cause might lead child services to my dorm. (A dorm is no place for a child!)  But, if I say my baby died, without a proper death or birth certificate, they may assume that I just killed it and put me away for life.

So that’s my dilemma: Mess with the surveyors, try to get rid of them through silence, or politely write back.

Maybe I could politely write back pretending to be a deeply offended person:

  • “I am so fat people constantly ask if I am pregnant and now THIS.”
  • “I am a woman trapped in a man’s body, thanks for bringing up a sore subject.”
  • “Just because I dress my dog as a baby does not mean I would breast feed it.”

This is my moral dilemma. Oh guiding light of the internet, what should I do?

  1. Beth said:

    I laughed so hard at this post I cried. Seriously. Tears are streaming down my face. I vote for any (all) of the “deeply offended person” options.

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it. I have until Oct 30th to respond with a person who can be offended in every way possible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: