Salmon, engineered to kill

All this talk of genetically engineered salmon screams killer giant fish disaster to me.  There are three main things you need to know about them:

  • They will be all female and sterile
  • They are always cold (to keep the growth hormone on)
  • And related to that, THEY ARE ALWAYS GROWING

Now, imagine a giant (I’m talking at least 12 feet), sterile, possibly demented, female fish coming at you.

"I just want to love you," "I'm so cold," say the giantess salmon.

She is cold.  She cannot do the one thing her biological clock is telling her to do– raise little babies.  (let’s forget for a moment that salmon lay their eggs and then die, never to see their young, these fish are too cold and demented to know that.)  She wants to love you but ends up smothering you as her giant scales tear your skin to pieces.

Now, as long as we keep a close eye on these fish, I see nothing wrong with finally admitting that we raise animals to eat them.  I care about finding Nemo, but after I catch him, I’m going to devour him.

But, if we humans get a little cocky, these giant salmon might become too dangerous. So, If anything can be learned from the movie Mega Piranha, it is that you should kick those deliciously slimy creatures in the face.

Observe and master his technique:

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